Hearts Of Hope-Poems

Blessed are you, United Mothers
Who love their children like no other
You have seen us through the storm
And often tried to forewarn
When we felt joy, you felt the same
Just as when we were held in pain

Countless are the sleepless nights
You took our place
When we were too weak to fight
Your prayers have been our saving grace
Though you would have gladly taken our place
Took this burden upon yourself
All to win back your children’s health

Through all this you never gave up
Knowing God fills the empty cup
Through our affliction you came together
And formed a bond no man can sever
God alone has filled our hearts
This was His plan from early start
To bring you together to share His Word
Without this suffering
It may have never been heard

May we all be together as one
And show the world what God has done

Mom, I wrote this poem so that you can see,
The up and coming changes in Me
I know all I can do is try my hardest
In making you feel the proudest
I know I said all this before
But mom I cant take this life no more
I want you to be there for me by my side
I promise you that, I wont get out and hide
Im ready to take steps towards a change
I know in the beginning it will be strange
But in the end you'll see the change
I know I need to work on a recovery
And keep it all in my memory
I know that all good things will come,
If I stay away from all the drugs and rum
I know I need to take time to work with my Higher Power
And start like a seed and grow into a flower
I know I was totally out of my mind
To leave my family behind
I know that without a change I will end up dead
So Im ready to do all the things that I have
SAID

I destroy homes, I tear families apart, take your children, and that's just the start.

You'll give up everything - your family, your home, Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.

share the deadly outcome of this drug that is killing our Young people & even our old.

I always can escape

The clear and present danger

Somehow I maneuver

While life is getting stranger

Is it just me

Or does everyone feel like this

I can’t stand to be alone

Yet it’s a feeling I cant resist

I look at all these people

With less than blank expression

Needless to say

They’ve made their first impression

Could it be there they are nothing more

Than just the tragic end

I think its misery

Everyone’s long lost friend

Don’t dare ask someone

What they really think

“ I’ll get back to you next Tuesday

I need to run it by my shrink “

And don’t expect too much

Especially a good deed

That rhymes to obvious

Cause everyone thrives on greed

What can you do for me

And just how will I benefit

Your behavior is disturbing

And palace built of shit

Lies, deception, couldn’t be further from the truth

Everyone wants to believe

Provided there’s some proof

Sex, money, and power

Feed the will to live

Take these things away

And man returns to bibs

He will cheat his wife

Ignore his kids

Steal from his friends

Then turn around and ask God

“Will this madness never end”?

He needs no answer to justify his actions

Needs only to create a diversion

Some tactical distraction

So good at this game

Like in search of some reward

Well this game gets old quick

For I have already gotten bored

Hypocrites, cons, call them what you will

They will watch you suffer

Just to get a thrill

There is a light on in my attic

There is an addict in my closet

Patiently awaiting the next deposit

There is a hunter setting traps

Counting the days till my next collapse

There is a whisper in the wind

Begging me please to just give in

There is a thief in the night

That pulls me away from the light

There is a tremble from inside

An old lover that wants to reunite

There is an assassin that has been hired

Just waiting for the order to fire

There is a hostage being held for ransom

Remembering the echoes that are entrancing

There is a liar aboard this ship

Looking forward to my trip

There is an evil that is so evading

That relies on me slowly hating

Green with envy

Spotted with spite

White like the virgin

Dark as the night

Complex as the jigsaw

Riddled in irony

Fragile to the touch

Just like the desire in me

Can never be quite sure

What intricate patterns we do weave

Before we go any further

My intentions are not to deceive

Bold as the beggar

Quick as the quill

Scared like the liar

Fresh from the kill

Vain as the mirror

Trampled in fury

Cold as the touch

Vision is blurry

Manic as most

Tragic at times

Ambitions are few

Like leaves of the vine

These by chance encounters

Are not by chance at all

I have been guided here by a divine plan

Instructed to watch the fall

Carried on the enlightened wing

I have crossed the sea of despair

Nestled safely in the breast of life

With comfort I find so rare

Worrying about tomorrow

Has gotten me here today

I thought this was my resting place

But I know that I cannot stay

My journey has been outlined

The tools have been provided

I once stood in solitaire

Now the kingdom has been divided

Received the inner message

Born of tears and humble cries

I search for the answers

To justify these lies

To take the initiative

With my withered hands

And make a new beginning

Is the start of this bright plan

In the garden of the prophet

Sleep the messenger of sorrow

Believers in the trinity

Designers of the hour

Twilight casts its shadows

Rivers illuminate like stars

Garments cling gently to the body

Revealing the symbolic scars

Eloquent are the whispers

Fragile is the tone

Beckon you to come further

To wander from this home

The soul it is enduring

My heart it does still quake

Waiting for the moment

The time I will not forsake

Travel lightly with my burdens

Take up my own heavy cross

Give honor to the most high

Let Him replace my loss

"A Change in Scenery"

A Change in Scenery

A Change in perception

A Change in behavior

Always leads to deception

Circumstances can get in the way

Roads do come to an end

I thought we would see forever

I am lost without my friend

This powerlessness leaves me feeling

Less than in control

These awkward situations

Have already taken toll

Struggle towards the finish

Struggle just to start

Left feeling empty

No courage in my heart

I would bleed for you

Just tell me what I want to hear

And show me what I must do

For now I have become

What I most despise

A prisoner trapped

Inside his lies

I have become

What I cannot stand

Somewhere lost

In foreign land

I have become

An open wound

Infection pending

In desperate ruin

I have become

No more than reflection

Years of dealing with

This constant rejection

I have become

A spirit that travels

Watching patiently

While the universe unravels

"Believe Me When I Tell You"

Believe Me When I Tell You

That I lie to you all the time

Believe me when I tell you

To read between the lines

I’m not ignorant

Just a little spun

I’m not apologizing

Cause I’ve only just begun

My response has become automatic

Tell you what you want to hear

My response has no emotion

Cause there is nothing left to fear

Crazy is the state of mind

That I seem best to operate

When I am given a choice to choose

Is when I fill my time with hate

Predictable oppositions challenge from all sides

Volunteer politicians console me with their lies

Everything that was once taboo

Has now become a trend

Nothing is too shocking

When it is means to an end

Suspicious looking faces

Line the street at night

Waiting for a witness

Someone to ease their plight

Corresponding with the conspirators

Plotting our next move

Misery police standing guard

With weapons that do sooth

Wrecking balls of solitude

Come crashing through the wall

And cruise ships filled with aliens

Pull into port of call

Electronic fences enclose the field

No longer can you roam

Vicious voices invade your space

Leading you far from home

"Darkness" - July 7 2005

It seems to be my life lately to struggle to stay just half a step ahead of depression. It’s always there, waiting to grab me at an unexpected, unguarded moment. And then I fall, pulled by the gravity of the soul into the blackness of the human soul – no, maybe the pit of Hell itself. To a place where no light penetrates and there is no escape. But there are so many voices whispering my failures, shouting mockingly at my faith and my God and the naïve beliefs that I used to hold that I was a good parent and that love could indeed cover a multitude of sins. Maybe it can indeed. I just didn’t know my sins were so many more than a mere multitude. Maybe love isn’t enough to cover that.

And just when you think the blackness is complete, it pulls you down even further. And you realize that black is not just a color. It is a temperature that chills you to the bone like the coldest wind chill, it assaults your body. It becomes the air you breath and fills your body. It even changes the color of you blood. How is it that it can permeate you so completely so quickly, so completely, so relentlessly?

And I watch myself sink deeper into blackness, into myself. My eyes struggle to focus on the blackness. I want to close my eyes to it to escape. But irony only makes the black blacker with the eyes closed. Soon even sleep creeps away, hidden in the blackness that mocks but will not regenerate. To close the eyes only makes the black darker still. It seems only when the sun breaks the horizon is it safe to close the eyes and sleep. Quickly! Before the alarm calls with it’s shrill voice demanding that the business of the day be started.

I know there is only one way to escape the black. It is to look up and to look out. To reach out to another person without regard to self. So, why is it so hard to do? And harder still to find a way to do it in the wee hours of the morning. I need a plan, Father. One to help me cope with the blackness. I would love something that would help me believe again that I have value as a parent, but that doesn’t even seem worth hoping for. I can’t imagine what would make me feel that again. I would settle for a plan that would help me ignore the darkness, as complete escape seems impossible.

Lord, help me to believe that in you all things are possible. That there is something that will come from this long winter of the soul that will make it all seem worth the struggle. That as this blackness has not always defined me, it will no longer define me again. Praying for the impossible. Lord, can you make it possible?

Now I lay me down to sleep. Father, my soul is secure, but the sleep part seems too difficult. Father, help me to pray for others – any others, all others. To help others, and thereby help myself by lifting my head to the light that you offer, even as my eyes close from darkness to darkness to your light.

Amen

"AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS" - by Portia Nelson

Chapter 1

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I fall in. I am lost…I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place, but it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in…it’s a habit. My eyes are open, I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

This piece has been around awhile and it still conveys the process of recovery profoundly. It is a journey that doesn’t happen over night but I hope you will make the choice to walk a different street!

Provided to HOH by Inmate in the Kane County Jail

"Just A Thought" - by an inmate in Kane County Jail

Locked down in my cell feeling belligerently disgruntled singing that song by Xscape you know “who can I run to”. I already know the answer to that question so it’s rather rhetorical. Also thinking if I could just get through this, these moments locked down would be history. Just another sad memory praying to God asking him to grant me serenity, but what’s the serenity if the will to change isn’t in me. All I wanted to do was get money, have fine girls, drive nice cars, rock the best gear. Now all I want is freedom since all of those choices have disappeared. Going through a battle with these streets just to maintain wealth, but whats wealth when you’re doing something that’s bad for your health and the battle that was really losing was with my self. Momma always said “that life you living selling drugs smoking weed, carrying guns will leave you one or two places. Dead or locked up, but I didn’t want to face the facts. Now I’m locked up fighting a six thirty getting gray hairs cause I’m feeling worried now the facts are in my face, like here face that. Now I’m all alone having troubled thoughts reviewing all of lifes’ lessons that I’ve been taught. Now I think is time to talk with God and see what he wants me to do when times are hard maybe then I’ll get the answers, but this is just a thought.

Hearts of Hope