| " Restoring Hope to all affected by drug addiction through Education, Advocacy and Support. " |
"P O E M S":
"Hearts of Hope" - by a grateful recovering addict
"CHANGE" - by Joe Budnick
My Name: "Is Meth" - by a young Indian girl
"I Can Always Escape"
"I'm Tired..." - written by a grateful recovering heroin addict
"Shielded from the Mighty Sword"
"Sound The Alarm"
"There Is A Light On In My Attic "
"These By Chance Encounters"
"A Change in Scenery"
"Believe Me When I Tell You"
"Darkness" - July 7 2005
"AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS" - by Portia Nelson
"Just A Thought" - by an inmate in Kane County Jail
" "
" ""Hearts of Hope" - by a grateful recovering addict
Blessed are you, United Mothers
Mom, I wrote this poem so that you can see,
My Name: "Is Meth" - by a young Indian girl I destroy homes, I tear families apart, take your children, and that's just the start. I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold, The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. If you need me, remember I'm easily found, I live all around you - in schools and in town I live with the rich; I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door. I'm made in a lab, but not like you think, I can be made under the kitchen sink. In your child's closet, and even in the woods, If this scares you to death, well it certainly should. I have many names, but there's one you know best, I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth. My power is awesome; try me you'll see, But if you do, you may never break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, But try me twice, and I'll own your soul. When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie, You do what you have to -- just to get high. The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms,your lungs your nose. You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad, When you see their tears, you should feel sad. But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised, I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate friends. I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I'll be with you always -- right by your side. You'll give up everything - your family, your home, Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone. I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give, When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned - this is no game, If given the chance, I'll drive you insane. I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind, I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine. The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed, The voices you'll hear, from inside your head. The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see, I want you to know, these are all gifts from me. But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, That you are mine, and we shall not part. You'll regret that you tried me, they always do, But you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen, many times you were told, But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold. You could have said no, and just walked away, If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I'll be your master, you will be my slave, I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me, what will you do? Will you try me or not? It's all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell, Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell. If you care enough, please forward this profound poem and share the deadly outcome of this drug that is killing our Young people & even our old.
I always can escape The clear and present danger Somehow I maneuver While life is getting stranger Is it just me Or does everyone feel like this I can’t stand to be alone Yet it’s a feeling I cant resist I look at all these people With less than blank expression Needless to say They’ve made their first impression Could it be there they are nothing more Than just the tragic end I think its misery Everyone’s long lost friend Don’t dare ask someone What they really think “ I’ll get back to you next Tuesday I need to run it by my shrink “ And don’t expect too much Especially a good deed That rhymes to obvious Cause everyone thrives on greed What can you do for me And just how will I benefit Your behavior is disturbing And palace built of shit Lies, deception, couldn’t be further from the truth Everyone wants to believe Provided there’s some proof Sex, money, and power Feed the will to live Take these things away And man returns to bibs He will cheat his wife Ignore his kids Steal from his friends Then turn around and ask God “Will this madness never end”? He needs no answer to justify his actions Needs only to create a diversion Some tactical distraction So good at this game Like in search of some reward Well this game gets old quick For I have already gotten bored Hypocrites, cons, call them what you will They will watch you suffer Just to get a thrill
"I'm Tired..." - written by a grateful recovering heroin addict I’m tired of Lockdowns And lost towns I’m tired of dirty rigs And on last cig I’m tired of self-help meetings And self served beatings I’m tired of blood stained sheets And facing defeat I’m tired of one-night stands And bruised hands I’m tired of burnt spoons And full moons I’m tired of desperate phone calls And building up walls I’m tired of telling lies And living in disguise I’m tired of always running Just to feel that numbing I’m tired of feeling incomplete And melting in the heat I’m tired of barbed wire And feeding the fire I’m tired of all night binges And rusty hinges I’m tired of drawing the blood To feel the flood I’m tired of always stealing And scars not healing I’m tired of losing my friends And making amends I’m tired of not knowing the truth And being burdened by proof I’m tired of this strife And what it’s done to my life
Shielded from the Mighty Sword Shielded from the mighty sword Struck down in words of rage Complacent in demeanor While life unfolds on page Neurotic or Erotic Lost in the confusion of the crowd Come or go take it slow Self-pity is allowed Trivial in comparison Are the problems of the pack When life gets to easy You better watch your back Just over the horizon You can see the storm is coming If you start right now They might catch you while your running Loosen up the load Take only what you need Do not be discouraged There is nothing wrong with greed Value what you will No one is here to judge Remember where you came from And do not hold a grudge Forgiveness is just a weakness My goal is to outlast Take what they offer you And do not forget the past Reverb off the highway Rumbles through my mind Glimpses of the past Leave my vision blind Out there on the blacktop The wheels spin with ease In here on my mind The patience slowly flees Distracted on the outside With simple lies of omission Inside does grow weary Forcing a division Ask for the down payment Some collateral in case of damage Sleeping with the enemy Trying to reach the higher vantage Obsolete is my will power I have fallen against the field Planted are the seeds With no crops yet to yield Tend to the bloody wounds No words left to calm Hurry in from the darkness Get in before the dawn
Sound the alarm The storm is coming Hide all belongings My pulse is drumming Sound the alarm Someone broke the security You can bid farewell To faith and maturity Sound the alarm All hells broken loose Try as you might There is no calling truce Sound the alarm A stranger stirs in the shadows I recognize his demeanor We’ve had previous battles Sound the alarm Leave no clue unturned As with the last intruder He left his mark burned Sound the alarm Let no face go unnoticed Let them identify And explain all their motives Sound the alarm Don’t take any chances There’s no time left For moonlight romances Sound the alarm There is a peculiar presence And I cannot avoid The distinguishing essence Sound the alarm For my hope has been stolen I forgot for once second I’m the only patrolling
"There Is A Light On In My Attic " There is a light on in my attic There is an addict in my closet Patiently awaiting the next deposit There is a hunter setting traps Counting the days till my next collapse There is a whisper in the wind Begging me please to just give in There is a thief in the night That pulls me away from the light There is a tremble from inside An old lover that wants to reunite There is an assassin that has been hired Just waiting for the order to fire There is a hostage being held for ransom Remembering the echoes that are entrancing There is a liar aboard this ship Looking forward to my trip There is an evil that is so evading That relies on me slowly hating Green with envy Spotted with spite White like the virgin Dark as the night Complex as the jigsaw Riddled in irony Fragile to the touch Just like the desire in me Can never be quite sure What intricate patterns we do weave Before we go any further My intentions are not to deceive Bold as the beggar Quick as the quill Scared like the liar Fresh from the kill Vain as the mirror Trampled in fury Cold as the touch Vision is blurry Manic as most Tragic at times Ambitions are few Like leaves of the vine
These by chance encounters Are not by chance at all I have been guided here by a divine plan Instructed to watch the fall Carried on the enlightened wing I have crossed the sea of despair Nestled safely in the breast of life With comfort I find so rare Worrying about tomorrow Has gotten me here today I thought this was my resting place But I know that I cannot stay My journey has been outlined The tools have been provided I once stood in solitaire Now the kingdom has been divided Received the inner message Born of tears and humble cries I search for the answers To justify these lies To take the initiative With my withered hands And make a new beginning Is the start of this bright plan In the garden of the prophet Sleep the messenger of sorrow Believers in the trinity Designers of the hour Twilight casts its shadows Rivers illuminate like stars Garments cling gently to the body Revealing the symbolic scars Eloquent are the whispers Fragile is the tone Beckon you to come further To wander from this home The soul it is enduring My heart it does still quake Waiting for the moment The time I will not forsake Travel lightly with my burdens Take up my own heavy cross Give honor to the most high Let Him replace my loss
A Change in Scenery A Change in perception A Change in behavior Always leads to deception Circumstances can get in the way Roads do come to an end I thought we would see forever I am lost without my friend This powerlessness leaves me feeling Less than in control These awkward situations Have already taken toll Struggle towards the finish Struggle just to start Left feeling empty No courage in my heart I would bleed for you Just tell me what I want to hear And show me what I must do For now I have become What I most despise A prisoner trapped Inside his lies I have become What I cannot stand Somewhere lost In foreign land I have become An open wound Infection pending In desperate ruin I have become No more than reflection Years of dealing with This constant rejection I have become A spirit that travels Watching patiently While the universe unravels
Believe Me When I Tell You That I lie to you all the time Believe me when I tell you To read between the lines I’m not ignorant Just a little spun I’m not apologizing Cause I’ve only just begun My response has become automatic Tell you what you want to hear My response has no emotion Cause there is nothing left to fear Crazy is the state of mind That I seem best to operate When I am given a choice to choose Is when I fill my time with hate Predictable oppositions challenge from all sides Volunteer politicians console me with their lies Everything that was once taboo Has now become a trend Nothing is too shocking When it is means to an end Suspicious looking faces Line the street at night Waiting for a witness Someone to ease their plight Corresponding with the conspirators Plotting our next move Misery police standing guard With weapons that do sooth Wrecking balls of solitude Come crashing through the wall And cruise ships filled with aliens Pull into port of call Electronic fences enclose the field No longer can you roam Vicious voices invade your space Leading you far from home
It seems to be my life lately to struggle to stay just half a step ahead of depression. It’s always there, waiting to grab me at an unexpected, unguarded moment. And then I fall, pulled by the gravity of the soul into the blackness of the human soul – no, maybe the pit of Hell itself. To a place where no light penetrates and there is no escape. But there are so many voices whispering my failures, shouting mockingly at my faith and my God and the naïve beliefs that I used to hold that I was a good parent and that love could indeed cover a multitude of sins. Maybe it can indeed. I just didn’t know my sins were so many more than a mere multitude. Maybe love isn’t enough to cover that. And just when you think the blackness is complete, it pulls you down even further. And you realize that black is not just a color. It is a temperature that chills you to the bone like the coldest wind chill, it assaults your body. It becomes the air you breath and fills your body. It even changes the color of you blood. How is it that it can permeate you so completely so quickly, so completely, so relentlessly? And I watch myself sink deeper into blackness, into myself. My eyes struggle to focus on the blackness. I want to close my eyes to it to escape. But irony only makes the black blacker with the eyes closed. Soon even sleep creeps away, hidden in the blackness that mocks but will not regenerate. To close the eyes only makes the black darker still. It seems only when the sun breaks the horizon is it safe to close the eyes and sleep. Quickly! Before the alarm calls with it’s shrill voice demanding that the business of the day be started. I know there is only one way to escape the black. It is to look up and to look out. To reach out to another person without regard to self. So, why is it so hard to do? And harder still to find a way to do it in the wee hours of the morning. I need a plan, Father. One to help me cope with the blackness. I would love something that would help me believe again that I have value as a parent, but that doesn’t even seem worth hoping for. I can’t imagine what would make me feel that again. I would settle for a plan that would help me ignore the darkness, as complete escape seems impossible. Lord, help me to believe that in you all things are possible. That there is something that will come from this long winter of the soul that will make it all seem worth the struggle. That as this blackness has not always defined me, it will no longer define me again. Praying for the impossible. Lord, can you make it possible? Now I lay me down to sleep. Father, my soul is secure, but the sleep part seems too difficult. Father, help me to pray for others – any others, all others. To help others, and thereby help myself by lifting my head to the light that you offer, even as my eyes close from darkness to darkness to your light. Amen
"AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS" - by Portia Nelson Chapter 1 I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I fall in. I am lost…I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out. Chapter 2 I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place, but it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. Chapter 3 I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in…it’s a habit. My eyes are open, I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. Chapter 4 I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter 5 I walk down another street. This piece has been around awhile and it still conveys the process of recovery profoundly. It is a journey that doesn’t happen over night but I hope you will make the choice to walk a different street! Provided to HOH by Inmate in the Kane County Jail
"Just A Thought" - by an inmate in Kane County Jail Locked down in my cell feeling belligerently disgruntled singing that song by Xscape you know “who can I run to”. I already know the answer to that question so it’s rather rhetorical. Also thinking if I could just get through this, these moments locked down would be history. Just another sad memory praying to God asking him to grant me serenity, but what’s the serenity if the will to change isn’t in me. All I wanted to do was get money, have fine girls, drive nice cars, rock the best gear. Now all I want is freedom since all of those choices have disappeared. Going through a battle with these streets just to maintain wealth, but whats wealth when you’re doing something that’s bad for your health and the battle that was really losing was with my self. Momma always said “that life you living selling drugs smoking weed, carrying guns will leave you one or two places. Dead or locked up, but I didn’t want to face the facts. Now I’m locked up fighting a six thirty getting gray hairs cause I’m feeling worried now the facts are in my face, like here face that. Now I’m all alone having troubled thoughts reviewing all of lifes’ lessons that I’ve been taught. Now I think is time to talk with God and see what he wants me to do when times are hard maybe then I’ll get the answers, but this is just a thought.
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